on fear

I have been thinking about S.'s climbing accident alot today. This morning I bought some climbing gear off of a guy that I know who is getting out of climbing. Afterwards, on the way home I guess, I felt more than the usual anxiety about spending money. I am scared to return to the rocks. This bothered me all day but I more or less let it pass once I got to the climbing gym after work and did some light bouldering.

Tonight on the way home I had an insight about the "meeting between climbing and martial arts" that interests me and which I first came across on a web page about Hirayama Yuji. In relation to danger and training the mind I reflected on the odds that, in swordmanship, in a meeting between equals there is a1/3 chance that I will cut my opponent, a 1/3 chance that my opponent will cut me, and a 1/3 chance that we will cut each other. Perhaps this is over-simplified but basically there is a 2/3 chance that I will be cut in encountering my equal. Indeed, the odds are much better in climbing, even in the higher risk endeavours of trad climbing and mountaineering. Because of the fear that I am experiencing in relation to climbing, I am presented with the opportunity to train my mind in a way which is indeed very rare for contemporary martial artists. One of my former teachers of Muso Jikiden Eishen Ryu was himself a serious mountaineer and big wall climber in his earlier years and I have wondered if this has contributed to the focus and intensity with which he carries himself, a quality which I have found to be truly rare amongst iaidoka.

Just thinking...

Trip Report--In Search of Ice and Snow on Cokeley

On the morning of May 30th I was picked up at 6:10 by local alpinist-legend Sandy B. After rendezvousing with several groups our party numbers reached eleven bodies (9 adults and two kids) and we headed along the highway to Port Alberni with the Saddle Route of Arrowsmith/Cokeley in mind. The purpose of our trip was to learn and practice the use of that essential tool of mountaineering -- the ice axe. For this we needed firm snow or ice. We hiked for awhile before encountering any significant snow at all. As it was soft at best we hoped for better conditions but did not find them. We chose the feature which I beleieve is "the saddle" itself for our experiments with self-belay and self-arrest technique and, though many found it difficult, I found all of the contortions manageable, both right and left handed. I won't pretend that these drills and driven deeply into my unconscious and my muscle memory though. They will be fun to practice again.

After the workshop the 9 of us who were able to stay did a scramble up to the summit of Mount Cokeley, which I believe, after her neighbour Arrowsmith, ranks as the second highest mountain on the southern part of Vancouver Island (that is, south of the impressive peaks of Strathcona Park). The only injury: one guy (fairly excitable) tried to get involved in a race to the summit and ended up falling on the rock and mildly injuring his leg. Nothing that he couldn't walk through though. I found the route easily manageable, with a few tricky parts downclimbing but there was no real exposure to scare the pants off me or anything. If there had been a lot of snow or, especially, ice, it would have been quite a different climb.

This was my first close encounter with rock since a couple of weeks ago when my rock-climbing mentor fell about 40 feet and broke his back while we and two others were on a day trip to Samson Narrows. He just had a 12 hour surgery 5 days ago and after being in intense pain afterwards I have now received word that he has stood up a few times. He is so strong in both will and body that I have great hope that he is already on his way to a remarkable recovery.
As for the three of us who were with him that day, we will have our own bridges to cross in returning to those unforgiving positions characterised by rock and exposure..