on fear

I have been thinking about S.'s climbing accident alot today. This morning I bought some climbing gear off of a guy that I know who is getting out of climbing. Afterwards, on the way home I guess, I felt more than the usual anxiety about spending money. I am scared to return to the rocks. This bothered me all day but I more or less let it pass once I got to the climbing gym after work and did some light bouldering.

Tonight on the way home I had an insight about the "meeting between climbing and martial arts" that interests me and which I first came across on a web page about Hirayama Yuji. In relation to danger and training the mind I reflected on the odds that, in swordmanship, in a meeting between equals there is a1/3 chance that I will cut my opponent, a 1/3 chance that my opponent will cut me, and a 1/3 chance that we will cut each other. Perhaps this is over-simplified but basically there is a 2/3 chance that I will be cut in encountering my equal. Indeed, the odds are much better in climbing, even in the higher risk endeavours of trad climbing and mountaineering. Because of the fear that I am experiencing in relation to climbing, I am presented with the opportunity to train my mind in a way which is indeed very rare for contemporary martial artists. One of my former teachers of Muso Jikiden Eishen Ryu was himself a serious mountaineer and big wall climber in his earlier years and I have wondered if this has contributed to the focus and intensity with which he carries himself, a quality which I have found to be truly rare amongst iaidoka.

Just thinking...